


Lost

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Romance, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 07:26:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/795421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair is feeling at loose ends after TSbBS. Jim helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

## Lost

by Pink Dragon

Why would anyone want to disclaim these lovely boys?

"L" in the ABC series. Many thanks to Dark Cherry for the beta. E-kudos to anyone who can identify the lyric snippet, (I sure can't, but I can't get it out of my head, either,) but remember, we'll all know how old you are! 

Post TSbBS, Blair struggles to make decisions about his future. Jim decides it's time to help.

* * *

* * *

Sometimes,   
All I need is the air that I breathe  
And to love you. 

* * *

Blair Sandburg, ex-anthropology major and all-but-dissertation-Ph.D. leans against the low wall around the patio and looks out over the city of Cascade. It's well past midnight and as usual lately, sleep won't come. The night air is warm, in the upper sixties. The summer moon is low on the horizon and almost full, outshining what few stars can be seen on a summer night in a city the size of Cascade. The city is quiet, all sensible people being in bed at this hour of the morning. Blair is wearing boxers and a tee shirt, the cold stone of the patio floor chilling his bare feet. A mug of tea cools unnoticed on the table nearby. 

Also unnoticed, Jim Ellison stands inside the loft and watches his best friend, not knowing what to say or do. Not knowing how to give Blair back the life he has given up for Jim. But after giving it long and careful thought, he has decided that he has to say something, anything, to try to end this depression Blair has sunk into over the past few weeks. 

It has been several weeks since the press conference where Blair disavowed his life's work. It's several more weeks still till classes will begin at the police academy. Blair has yet to decide if he can be a cop, if he can carry a gun and possibly have to use it. 

Blair and Jim had talked about the press conference, both apologizing for how things happened and how things ended up. But their friendship is strained, Blair wondering to himself if he should leave, just go, and Jim wondering if Blair is considering leaving, and not knowing how to ask him to stay. 

Jim walks over to the door, opens it and says softly, "Blair." 

Blair turns half way around, gives him a sad smile, says, "Hey. I'm sorry if I woke you. I couldn't sleep." He turns back. 

"It's okay, Chief. If you can't sleep, I can't sleep." Jim walks up behind Blair and rests his hands on Blair's shoulders. 

Blair seems to tense under Jim's touch, then he relaxes and turns his face up to the sky and answers back, "Hmmm, is that a Sentinel/Guide thing?" 

"Mmm, maybe. Or maybe just a friend/friend thing." 

Blair whispers softly, "Are we still friends?" 

"Of course we are. Nothing will change that, Blair." Jim rubs his thumbs up and down the back of Blair's neck, massaging the tight muscles there. 

Blair drops his head and makes a low sigh of pleasure. "What if I decide not to go to the academy?" 

"Nothing means nothing. If you decide not to go, we'll figure something out. I still need you." 

"You haven't needed me for a long time, Jim." Jim's hands go still on Blair's shoulders. Is this what the problem is, Jim thinks, Blair doesn't think I need him anymore? 

"Blair, that's not true. You know that isn't true." 

Blair turns around and looks up at Jim, and says softly, "How do I know that, Jim? You go to work every day without me. You haven't zoned, you haven't even come close. You've done fine without me there." Blair smiles sadly at him and continues, "You know, I used to think someday we'd be more than friends. After the dissertation was done. I've seen the way you look at me sometimes. I always thought there was something there, waiting to happen. But I guess I was wrong. You don't need me here anymore." 

Jim, surprised at Blair's words, says nothing. Blair, thinking that Jim's silence means agreement, sighs softly, looks down and pulls away from Jim and goes back in the loft, into his room. Jim follows him inside and stands in the door as Blair pulls on jeans and socks and his ratty old high tops. "Where are you going?" Jim asks, his voice tight with tension. 

"I'm just going for a walk. I won't be gone long," Blair answers softly, leaning over to tie the laces in his shoes, not looking at Jim. 

"It's after midnight. It's not safe out there this time of night." 

"I'll be okay, Jim. I'll stay on the main streets. I just need some time, okay?" Jim doesn't answer, but moves out of Blair's way as he brushes past him in the doorway. "Go back to bed, get some sleep. No use both of us being zombies in the morning." 

"Blair..." Jim calls, but Blair is gone, pulling the loft door closed behind him. Jim races up the stairs to his bedroom and throws on jeans, a sweatshirt and shoes, not taking the time for socks, sticks his gun in his waistband and races out of the loft after Blair. 

When Jim pushes through the door to the street, Blair is just turning the corner at the far end of the block. Walking slowly like he's got nowhere to go and no deadline to get there. Jim stays a block behind him, telling himself he'll just keep an eye on him, make sure he's safe. Jim follows Blair for several blocks as Blair looks in shop windows, and stands quietly looking up at the stars when he comes to a stoplight, waiting for the walk signal. Finally Blair gets to the park that's a few blocks from the loft, and he wanders aimlessly, eventually stopping at the edge of the duck pond. Jim stops and waits a few yards from where Blair stands. After about five minutes Blair shakes his head and says, "I know you're there, Jim," still standing facing the pond, his back to Jim. Jim sighs and walks over to him, standing close behind him. "You brought your gun didn't you?" Blair says with a chuckle. 

"Well, yeah. It's dangerous out here at night." 

"You stuck it in your waistband didn't you?" 

"Uh, yeah, why?" 

"Jim, you're gonna shoot your ass off someday doing that. Use the holster, man. That's what it's for." Blair's words are full of fond amusement. 

Jim chuckles a little and says, "How did you know I was there?" 

"You're six feet tall, you couldn't sneak up on dirt, man." 

Jim snorts and puts his hands on Blair's shoulders and rubs gently. "Come home, Blair. It's late. I'm worried about you." 

"I'll be okay, man. Nothing to worry about," Blair answers, sounding sad again. 

"But I am worried, Blair, you don't talk to me anymore. You shouldn't have to be going through this alone. Tell me what's going on, Chief." 

Blair gives a short, sharp laugh and says, "You're complaining that I don't talk to you anymore? You used to do everything you could to shut me up. Shit, Jim. You haven't touched me for weeks. You used to touch me all the time. That's what we did, I talk and you touch. Now, I don't talk, and you don't touch me. We're a real pair aren't we?" 

"I'm touching you now, Blair," Jim says softly. "And if you think I don't need you anymore, you're right." Blair stiffens under Jim's hands. "Since you gave the press conference, since you stopped talking to me, since you stopped being a Guide, my senses are gone." 

Blair whirls around, shaking Jim's hands off him and almost shouting, "What the fuck did you say? Your senses are gone? What the fuck happened? Why didn't you say anything?" 

Jim shrugs like it's no big deal and says, "I thought you had enough to deal with for awhile. I didn't want to bother you." 

"Bother me? BOTHER ME?" Blair is yelling now, his hands flying around. "Jesus H. Christ, Jim! You're supposed to bother me! That's what the Guide is for, you idiot! What did Simon say when you told him?" 

"Uh, well, I haven't exactly told him." 

"You haven't told anyone?" 

"No." 

"Aw, fuck, Jim." Blair walks around in a circle a couple of times, his hands buried in his hair. Then he stops and looks back at Jim and says, "And what the FUCK do you mean, 'I stopped being a Guide?'" 

"Blair, when is the last time you asked me do some tests? When's the last time you told me to piggyback one sense onto another? When is the last time you tried to get me to try something new? You don't come to work with me, you can't, I know, and without you there, I'm afraid to try to use my senses, and now they're just gone. You stopped guiding me, and without my Guide the senses just fucking quit." 

"Shit, Jim." Blair is staring at Jim like he's something Blair has never seen before. 

Jim walks closer to him and puts his hands back on Blair's shoulders and says, "And it's not that I don't want to touch you, Blair, it's just. . . well, with the senses gone, I don't really need to. And with the way things are right now, I was kind of afraid to. I thought you were going through so much right now, I didn't really know what to say or do. I just. . . we need to get past this, Blair, and we need to do it together. So please talk to me. I'm touching you now, and I'm asking you to talk to me." 

Blair just stares up at Jim, his eyes going wide, and after waiting a few more seconds Jim whispers, "I'm touching you now, Blair. I'm touching you." Jim gives a little tug on Blair's shoulders and Blair moves a step closer, and so does Jim, and a second later their arms are around each other, holding on tight. 

Blair rests his face against Jim's shoulder and whispers, "I'm sorry, Jim. I just don't know what to say. I don't want to lose our friendship, but I don't know what to do. I feel like I've lost myself." 

Jim tucks his face against Blair's hair and whispers back, "Maybe it's time we stopped being friends and started being something else to each other." 

Blair pulls away far enough to look up at Jim, but keeps his arms around Jim's waist, and says, "What, Jim? What do you want to be? Your senses are gone, you don't need a guide." 

"I do still need you, Blair," Jim answers, running his hands over Blair's back and tugging him closer. "I think the senses are gone because my guide is lost. I think they'll come back when you do. When you start being a Guide again." 

"Well, I suppose that's possible. I didn't mean to abandon you." 

"You didn't abandon me. You're here aren't you? We're just going through some really bad shit right now. Things will get better. We'll make things get better. We have to, Blair." 

"We, Jim?" Blair says, sounding a little pissed. 

"God, Blair, don't you think if I could give you back your life I would? When we met, when you found me, you saved my life. I was going down fast, Chief. I would have been in a mental hospital within a month and I'd have died there, and probably soon. I owe you my life and now you've given up everything you ever dreamed of having. You gave it up to save me, again." 

"Well, you do have a point," Blair says sadly. 

"You said you saw me watching you, looking at you." Blair gives Jim a sly grin. Jim says, "Were you looking back, Blair?" 

Blair chuckles a little self-consciously and says, "Well, yeah, I guess you could say that." 

"Then maybe it's time we were more than friends," Jim says softly. 

"Is that what you want, Jim?" 

Jim pulls Blair back against him and tucks Blair's face back against his shoulder. "I've thought about us, Chief. About us being together." 

"You mean having sex? You thought about us doing it?" Blair chuckles a little. 

"Yes, I thought about us 'doing it.' Jesus, Blair." 

"What did you think?" Blair asks softly. 

When Jim doesn't respond Blair shakes him and says, "Tell me, Jim. Tell me what you thought about." 

Jim buries his face in Blair's hair, holding his head still with one hand, the other arm wrapped tight around Blair's waist, and he whispers softly, "I thought about how your mouth would feel against mine." Blair sighs quietly. "I thought about how you would taste the same way you smell. Rich and musky and spicy. I thought about how you would shiver under my hands." And Blair shivers in Jim's arms. "Yes, just like that. Just like that, Blair. I thought about how your tongue would feel in my mouth, sliding against mine, warm and wet and slick." 

"Oh god," Blair gasps into Jim's shoulder. 

"Yeah, Blair, that's what I said when I came." 

Blair gasps, pulls back again and looks up at Jim with his eyes wide, and he whispers, "I thought about us too. I thought about what a beautiful body you have. How I'd like to see you naked. I thought about how you would look when I laid you out on my bed and licked you from one end to the other." Jim moans softly and closes his eyes. "I thought about how you would look when I made you come." 

"Oh god," Jim sighs. 

"Yeah, Jim, that's what I said when I came." 

Jim opens his eyes and pulls Blair gently back into his arms, up tight against him. He lowers his head slowly toward Blair's watching him carefully, and after a second or two, Blair tips his head up and their mouths meet. It's a perfect first kiss, shy and hesitant and sweet, lips brushing softly together, watching each other. They both pull back just slightly, and smile at each other. Then Jim's mouth comes down on Blair's again, their eyes close, and they kiss a second time, insistent, demanding, hungry. Blair's tongue is in Jim's mouth and Jim moans softly. 

"Hey! Go get a room!" Somebody yells. Blair jerks and gasps and then a second person laughs, sounding drunk. Jim chuckles against Blair's mouth, reaches behind him with one hand and pulls the back of his sweatshirt up. "Aw fuck!" the first man gasps and then they hear two sets of footsteps running away. Fast. Jim laughs harder and pulls his mouth away from Blair's. 

Blair grins up at him and says, "You showed them your gun, didn't you?" 

"Damn right I did. Now let's go home so I can show it to you," Jim answers, pushing his hips against Blair's. 

They're both half hard and Blair grinds his cock against Jim's thigh, tips his head back, closes his eyes, parts his lips and moans softly, "Ooohhh..." 

Jim brushes his fingertips against Blair's cheek and whispers, "Oh my god." 

Blair whispers back, "What?" 

"That's it, Blair. That's what you'll look like when I make you come." 

"Do you think you could do that, like, now?" 

Jim brushes his mouth against Blair's, chuckles and says, "We are not having sex in the park. Do you know how many people I've arrested for that?" 

"Then let's go home. I really, really want to see your gun, man," Blair giggles a little and grins up at Jim. 

"Any time you're ready. I'm getting really tired of smelling duck poop." Blair laughs again, and Jim thinks it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard. Then he cups Blair's cheek with one hand and says, seriously, "We'll get through this, Blair. Whatever you decide about the academy, we'll work it out. Just please talk to me, okay?" 

"Okay, okay, I'll talk to you. But you have to start touching me again. Now would be good." 

"Oh, I plan to touch every sweet inch of you, baby." 

"Baby? Baby? You're gonna call me 'Baby' when we have sex?" Blair asks, grinning up at Jim. 

"Yeah, I am. And I don't care whether you like it or not." 

"Hey, I didn't say I didn't like it. Pumpkin." 

Jim flings one arm around Blair's neck and starts pulling him down the path, back toward the loft, and says, "Sweetie." 

"Jeeze, Jim, that's what my mother calls me!" Blair sticks one hand in Jim's back pocket and tucks himself tight against Jim's side as they start home. 

"Oh. Well we can't have that, can we, Snookums?" 

"That's better. Much better. Sugar Pie," Blair cracks back at him. 

"Glad you like it, Teddy-Blair." 

"Teddy-Blair? Teddy-Blair? You've been waiting years to call me that, haven't you?" 

Jim looks down at Blair's sweet face, smiles, and says, "Yeah, baby, as a matter of fact I have." They continue walking back to the loft, stopping every block or so to kiss. As they wait for a traffic signal to change, Jim looks up at the night sky and thinks the stars are looking especially bright and lovely. He smiles and leans down to kiss Blair again. 

* * *

Sometimes,  
All I need is the air that I breathe  
And to love you. 

* * *

* * *

End Lost by Pink Dragon: pinkdragon456@aol.com

Author and story notes above.

  
Disclaimer: _The Sentinel_ is owned etc. by Pet Fly, Inc. These pages and the stories on them are not meant to infringe on, nor are they endorsed by, Pet Fly, Inc. and Paramount. 


End file.
